One of the toughest things in life is to face who and what we have become. It is so much easier to point at, and blame other people, even when we know deep down that that does not take the pain, shame and guilt away. I have learnt that there is genuine mental, emotional and spiritual liberty, if I just confess to myself that I am the problem, or that I have a problem to solve and that it matters how I solve it. How I solve it will determine the outcome. Therefore how can I solve it so that the outcome is favorable to others and to me? Typically, we humans like to solve the problem in a selfish way, the way that it will benefit just us, and not others involved. It’s our quick survival instinct. But we should grow bigger and better than that. Others matter.
Usually the problem is a flaw in our character and our outlook on life, our judgement and perception, not reality, of other people. We all at some point carry unhealthy mindsets and opinions that have to be chiseled out of us. We hate the chiselers because they show us the truth about who we are, who we truly have become, but who we could transform into, a better person. It is extremely difficult to become the better person. It takes me introversion, self-permitting slow agonizing self-reflection of what is true and what is not. The deeper I search within me, the better I learn the lesson, the more broken I become, the more ego I lose, the freer I become. If I can be silent for one quick moment and not say the first thing that comes to my mind, if I can just hold back and control myself, walk away and ask myself the selfless questions, how should I respond, should I respond at all, how could I have prevented this, how can I handle it better, should I just let it go, or should I confront it, and if I do, how should I go about doing that so that it does not escalate, even if it means that it would be at my own expense?
The chiselers of life will come. Sometimes they trickle in, sometimes they are a storm, a rushing river, a massive wave. Some will be clear and apparent, while others will blindside us, pull the rug from under us and knock us down to our knees. Some will cause us to weep deep pouring tears, some will cause us to laugh like mad men in pain and frustration, and some will make us scream silently in agony, with no words to describe the torment within.
None of us can avoid or prevent the chiselers from entering our lives, but all of us can choose how we handle them. We can drown in them, we can develop unhealthy coping mechanisms, or we can handle them step by step, layer by layer, and emerge as beautiful beings, who have allowed adversity to bring out the best in them.
The chiselers will come at different stages of our lives, whether or not we are ready or prepared for them, and are unable to receive or accept them. Their timing is always terrible, and they do not seem to care about their effect on our lives. We have the power to decide and choose how we handle them, and who they transform us into. We can determine to come out beautiful in the end, or angry, bitter, snide, arrogant, insecure, cynical and manipulative, blaming others and never taking the reins of your life to turn things around for the better.
When chiselers come my way, I have learnt to turn to God, my creator, for grace, wisdom, courage, patience and humility. After all, He knows me better than I know myself. You cannot take a BMW to be fixed by Toyota, or vice versa, so take me to God, any day, any time, with whatever it is, He will fix me, set me straight, and put me on the right path. It is not easy when my carnal nature rises up in a situation and I have to tame her down and ask the Holy Spirit to give me strength to hold it together and not respond the way that I would truly like to. It takes power from within to keep silent when I want to give a piece of my mind. It takes courage to walk away when I want to confront. It takes humility to realize and admit that a particular chiseler has revealed to me that there are areas of my character that I still need to work on. It takes wisdom to know what to say, when to say it and how to say it. It takes deep understanding and mercy to see where another person is coming from and what might be causing their behavior. These qualities do not come naturally to us. They are developed and nurtured with deliberation.
The chiselers will come. God help us make the right decisions so that we can come out the better and not the worst when they chisel us. They are here for our good, not for our demise. They bring the lessons we need to learn. They come to remove the ugliness within us, and create kindness, patience, wisdom and understanding, qualities that bring us and fill us with peace, joy, love and strength and quiet confidence
The chiselers will come. It is better to yield to them and ask the question why are they here, than to resist. Resistance only makes it worse.
Yield to your chiselers, ask the honest questions, embrace the true answers and become free indeed.